Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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