Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
