I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
