end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Say something about gay babies.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
