that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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