Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
