guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
