if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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