I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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