she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
