sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
