Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
