My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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