Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
