I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
