dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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