I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
