were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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