what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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