I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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