Plan B is the new Plan A
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
