Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
