its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
