Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
