I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just want nice things and good sex
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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