I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I looked at my own cervix.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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