i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
