I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
