Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm both gender and math confused
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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