Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
