I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
