and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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