wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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