so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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