I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
