I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
