Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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