i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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