My hand turned me down
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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