Three words: puerto rican gang bang
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
