I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
