I want to have your abortion
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
