Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
