hotel room ftw
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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