3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize