my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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