omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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