Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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