my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
