your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
