morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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