I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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