$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
