The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
