I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Damn victory sex feels great
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
