I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
false alarm, still single
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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