careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
