"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
