I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
