dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize