Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
