you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
