You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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