no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize