someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my sisters under your porch take her home
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
