why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
