Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
