I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
