My balls are so social today.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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