i think my mom watched the whole time
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
