Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
