part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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